Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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