He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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