Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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