dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
