Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
