Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
