id be glad to
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
