Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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