A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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