Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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