Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
