I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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