Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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