is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
