Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
