I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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