ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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