My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
