Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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