I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
