This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Sober January is a disaster.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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