Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
