rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
