I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
