Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
