so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
