Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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