My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
