i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
