Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
