So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
