Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
