Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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