I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
