Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
