I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
