Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
