dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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