I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
