You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Dicks are not precious.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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