He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
