I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
