my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
