He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
