you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
ok first of all what the fuck
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
