you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
