they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
