Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
