I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
how drunk are you?
Several
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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