I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
