If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
