He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
