dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
