The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
