wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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